It’s been a while since my last post and I figured those of you who follow my blog deserve to know what’s going on and hopefully it will help others by sharing my story and being open about it. In a previous post I mentioned that I had a mild form of bipolar and I hit a low point and suffered from major depression for a few months. I was in a vicious cycle where I was depressed, didn’t want to exercise or eat healthy… and that only made me more depressed. I began abusing alcohol. My relationships suffered. Sure I was seeing a psychiatrist every month, but I never disclosed my true feelings because I was too embarrassed. I felt like the worlds largest hypocrite and a fraud. However, this month I finally grew the courage to tell my psychiatrist what was going on. To finally let someone know about my secret lifted some weight off my shoulders, but then I went back to The Breakthrough Weekend again as a student. In front of at least 60 people I told everyone that I had a problem and needed help. Talking about it and letting others know that I was suffering brought me huge relief. That weekend I learned that I had the power to overcome any obstacle that stands in front of my dreams. My dreams are to make Active For Recovery a non-profit, bring attention to recovery programs, and, in the future, provide health coaching services.
Since that weekend, I haven’t purchased any alcohol for my home. Instead of sitting home and drinking, I had to make the very conscience decision to do something else. So, I signed up to the gym that’s less than 5 minutes away and now go there. I go biking, walks, anything that would replace the time of drinking. If I’m doing something, I’m not drinking. I went to a few AA meetings, but really didn’t feel like they were for me. I enjoyed the company of people who want to be sober, but don’t care for the 12 step program (I’m also not very religious). What’s interesting is that I’ve relearned how to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. I went out with some friends and had a drink and was content. I no longer wanted to feel the way I felt after drinking to the point of being drunk. I also learned that drinking alcohol messes with the medication I take to control my bipolar/depression.
So now I’m back on track. I’m working on losing the weight I gained during my depression and realize that it’s a process. I’ve relearned that you just need to take it day by day. The biggest take away/message I can give to those that are struggling is to reach out. You may not realize it, but everyone has some problem going on in their life. They may not be able to understand your addiction, but by sharing it and being open to support you’ll have a huge weight lifted off your shoulders and will be able to take the next steps toward recovery. Everyone’s path is different. And that’s ok. Find what works for you. Attend AA/NA meetings. Go to a therapist or psychiatrist. Find “communities” in your own community like The Breakthrough Weekend. Learn to become vulnerable and accept the love that others are giving you. Eventually, you’ll find your own path and life will become fun again.
If you have any questions further questions about my recent recovery, please post below in the comments or contact me directly.